my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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