just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
