the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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