return my video game
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
