in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
