She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
