I think I died a long time ago.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
