you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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