Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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