The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it penis luge time yet?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
