I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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