Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
