I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
