my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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