cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
