omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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