i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
