she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
