So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
