This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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