Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
