How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
