This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
