im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
