He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
