the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
