It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she looked like the before picture.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
