On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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