I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
