i just wanna soil my oats bro
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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