that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
