Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
