I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm passing your future prison.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
