I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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