I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
