just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
