left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
