You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
