Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
