The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
