I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
