In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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