I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
