This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
