I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
