remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
