Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
