I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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