dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
