just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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