Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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