i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
