Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The air was thick with penises
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
